One year ago. Brett died one year ago. I wasn't prepared for how much I would feel this. I managed to hold it together pretty well at work today and only got a little teary eyed a couple times. After work, I got in my car, put on some music, and got on the highway to go home... and the waterworks just suddenly came on. I'm still completely devastated. I still don't understand it. I cannot count how many times I have wished I were dead. I've never enjoyed life the way that you're supposed to. Brett lived life. Brett wanted to live. Brett deserved to live... and yet here I fucking am. And he's the one who doesn't get to roll down his car windows and drive with the cool wind blowing his hair all crazy with music blasting out his eardrums.

If I could give him my life, I would in a heartbeat. No doubt about it.

But life goes on. And we that are left behind... we are the unfortunate souls who have to learn to live without you. With just a little less sunlight in this world. It's so hard these days to find anything to be happy about anymore. Everywhere I look there is pain, violence, cruelty, and suffering whether it be on the news, at work, or in my friends' lives. This world just doesn't seem like it's meant to last. Everything just... sucks. And I am not at all comforted by the fact that Brett was ripped away from this piece of shit world.

It's been one year. Life, man. What a fucking joke.

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