Who even still uses this thing?
07.28.19 02:16

I don't really have anywhere to talk about things I don't really want people to actually see anymore. Since melodramatic has been gone, I started using emodramatic (an attempt to recreate Melo), but it's currently down. I usually write about my problems in my Melo facebook group, but I have been feeling estranged from them. That and I feel like I always talk about the same things... and nobody really offers anything because they all seem so wrapped up in their own problems. I don't really need comfort, I just need to talk about it. I don't need opinions or judgement, I just want to feel what I need to feel... alone.

Because that's what I am. Alone. Life is weird, how things work out. Life is disappointing. People are disappointing. I am disappointing.

I've been feeling really depressed for a long time now. I probably should see someone, but I somehow still manage to trudge through life, so I continue to convince myself that I'm "doing okay". I tell myself I'm not as bad off as some of the people I know. I'm not so bad that I need to be medicated. Maybe. I don't know. I think it's just a perfect storm. I'm in school and don't have time to have a social life, so I'm very isolated. I try to do homework at home so that I don't spend money at the coffee shop, but only going between work and home and doing nothing else really fucking grinds on you. I pushed away the guy who I was seeing because, well, he kind of sucks, but being alone really fucking sucks, too. I don't seem to have any of the answers. I'm lost. I don't know what to do anymore to make myself happier. I'm only a third of the way through school, and the end seems so far away. I feel like I'm drowning.

So that's my life in a nutshell.

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